Issue n°1 · The group report
Michel read your group chat.
He's not going to spare you.
Upload your WhatsApp export. Michel writes a magazine-style report, funny and a bit cruel, about every member of the chat.
€2.99 once · no subscription
or read one that's already out
Which chat is it?
- Deleted after reading
- €2.99 once
- Ready in 5 minutes
- +720 reports already generated
Referral: your friend gets €1 off with your codeLearn more
What happens when you drop
the report in the chat.
Illustrations. Your friends, in real life, will be worse.
- 9:41●●● ▮‹🥖 Summer Crew⋯OK. I have something for you.
Camille
?🎩Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.
2,481 messages re-read. Michel has an opinion.
whatmichelthinks.com
Paul
no but NOMarine
I CAN'T 😂😂😂screenshot sent to my momCamille
minister of vagueness?? is that ME??illustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹👨👩👧 The Family Chat⋯a report about us 🤭
Mom ❤️
what do you mean a report🎩Toussaint family: 4 people, 7 years, 1 dog.
61,438 messages. Michel read all of them.
whatmichelthinks.com
Dad
AHAHAHAHAHALeo
ok but how does he know about the dogMom ❤️
I cried laughing and a little for realillustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹💔 ex-best-friends⋯I did a weird thing
Sof
oh no🎩Best friends — part 3. The big chill.
5 years of archives. Michel pulls no punches.
whatmichelthinks.com
Sof
OK BUT HOWLiv
he said I'm the archive 😭you ARE the archive, LivSof
reading this on repeatillustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹🍻 BACH 2k19⋯read this before Matt's wedding🎩
Six men who never quite committed.
112,406 messages. Nobody got spared.
whatmichelthinks.com
Matt
???Jordi
who did this 😂😂Sam
I laughed I cried I laughed againmichel did thisillustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹💍 Lea & Tom's Wedding⋯
Lea
who dared read the chatit's Michel. I own it.🎩18 months of planning. One best man in pieces.
8,902 messages. Michel counted the seating plans.
whatmichelthinks.com
Tom
the bit about the mother-in-law 💀Lea
I'M CRYINGCamille
to print for the guest bookillustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹🏢 Open Space (no bosses)⋯
Yann
who shared thisanonymous. just read.🎩The off-channel. 14 coworkers. Zero filter.
23,117 messages read during lunch break.
whatmichelthinks.com
Ines
he saw MY passive-aggressive strategyYann
delete all delete allKarim
framing thisillustration
- 9:41●●● ▮‹👯 Apt 14⋯I have a gift for you two
Theo
this already smells bad🎩Three years sharing a flat. One single sponge.
5,743 messages. Michel counted the trash-day reminders.
whatmichelthinks.com
Theo
he calls me 'the passive-aggressive of the fridge'Anna
he's right, Theovalidated by Michelillustration
A preview of a report
Here's what it looks like.
The Southern Holidaymakers
Michel · Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.
Michel's editorial
Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.
2,481 messages, zero confirmed ticket. Camille proposes Lisbon on Tuesday. Thursday, Lisbon is dead. Paul has rediscovered the Cyclades for the fourth time this year. Marine drops a Google Form. Nobody fills it in. Inès sends three 6-minute voice notes a day, and nobody listens to them.
2,481
messages exchanged. Trips booked: 0.
14
Google Forms sent by Marine. Filled: 0.
7×
Sicily re-proposed by Paul. As if it were new.
Archetype · 01
Camille — The general secretary
She created the group. She bumps it. She's dying in it, slowly. 28.7% of the volume — more than the last three combined. Her longest messages get the shortest replies: 'ok', 'cool', 'haha'. She'll get over it. Probably.
- 01You upload your export
- 02Michel reads it and writes the report
- 03You drop the link in the chat
5 min · no subscription · your chat is deleted
What groups say after reading
Illustrative testimonials based on user feedback.
"Cried laughing at Theo's verdict. He just cried."
Camille L.
high-school friends
"Michel nailed in 2 min what I've been saying about my sister for 3 years."
Yanis M.
family WhatsApp
"Dropped it in the chat at 11pm. Nobody slept. Worth every euro."
Sarah B.
Paris roommates
"Thought it'd be a gimmick. It became THE dinner moment."
Hugo D.
wedding group
"My dad re-read the report 4 times. He even corrected a typo."
Léa R.
extended family
"Honestly unsettling how accurate. Marine still brings it up."
Tom V.
work crew
FAQ
How much does it cost?
€2.99 for Classic (5 sections), €3.99 for Deep (8 sections + red flags, predictions, Michel's letter). One-time payment. No subscription.
Who is Michel?
A fictional French observer made for this: he reads your chat end-to-end and pulls out a funny, fair, sometimes sharp report. Not a real person — a character written with a well-briefed AI.
What is it exactly?
You upload the text export of your group chat. Michel returns an illustrated magazine-style report — archetypes, iconic moments, awards, open letters. You get a link to drop in the group.
Which apps does it work with?
WhatsApp, via its native text export. It's currently the only app that allows a clean export. Others (iMessage, Messenger, Telegram) will follow once a reliable export is possible.
How long does it take?
5 to 10 minutes. Keep the tab open while Michel reads — if you allow browser notifications, a ping warns you as soon as the preview is ready.
Is it risky for my private conversation?
No. Your chat is read to write the report, then the raw messages are deleted. No AI is trained on your conversations. You can erase everything from your dashboard.
How do I share my report?
A private link is created. You copy it, paste it in the chat — the group opens the page like an article. No account needed to read.
Can I refer my friends?
Yes. As soon as your report is unlocked you get a personal code: it takes €1 off your friend's report, and every 3 reports paid with your code, Michel writes one for you on the house. One code per report, and there's no referring yourself.
“I re-read your group chat. I have an opinion.”
— Michel
€2.99 · once · deleted after reading