M

Issue n°1 · The group report

Michel read your group chat.
He's not going to spare you.

Upload your WhatsApp export. Michel writes a magazine-style report, funny and a bit cruel, about every member of the chat.

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Report · Issue n°1

Seven friends. One trip.
Zero flights booked.

Camille, aka 'the minister of vagueness', has proposed 14 destinations in six months. Paul said yes to each one. Marine hasn't read anything since March.

Michel re-read 2,481 messages. He has a very clear opinion about this group — and he starts with you.

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What happens when you drop the report in the chat.

Illustrations. Your friends, in real life, will be worse.

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    🥖 Summer Crew
    ⋯
    OK. I have something for you.

    Camille

    ?
    🎩

    Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.

    2,481 messages re-read. Michel has an opinion.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Paul

    no but NO

    Marine

    I CAN'T 😂😂😂
    screenshot sent to my mom

    Camille

    minister of vagueness?? is that ME??

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    👨‍👩‍👧 The Family Chat
    ⋯
    a report about us 🤭

    Mom ❤️

    what do you mean a report
    🎩

    Toussaint family: 4 people, 7 years, 1 dog.

    61,438 messages. Michel read all of them.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Dad

    AHAHAHAHAHA

    Leo

    ok but how does he know about the dog

    Mom ❤️

    I cried laughing and a little for real

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    💔 ex-best-friends
    ⋯
    I did a weird thing

    Sof

    oh no
    🎩

    Best friends — part 3. The big chill.

    5 years of archives. Michel pulls no punches.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Sof

    OK BUT HOW

    Liv

    he said I'm the archive 😭
    you ARE the archive, Liv

    Sof

    reading this on repeat

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    🍻 BACH 2k19
    ⋯
    read this before Matt's wedding
    🎩

    Six men who never quite committed.

    112,406 messages. Nobody got spared.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Matt

    ???

    Jordi

    who did this 😂😂

    Sam

    I laughed I cried I laughed again
    michel did this

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    💍 Lea & Tom's Wedding
    ⋯

    Lea

    who dared read the chat
    it's Michel. I own it.
    🎩

    18 months of planning. One best man in pieces.

    8,902 messages. Michel counted the seating plans.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Tom

    the bit about the mother-in-law 💀

    Lea

    I'M CRYING

    Camille

    to print for the guest book

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    🏢 Open Space (no bosses)
    ⋯

    Yann

    who shared this
    anonymous. just read.
    🎩

    The off-channel. 14 coworkers. Zero filter.

    23,117 messages read during lunch break.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Ines

    he saw MY passive-aggressive strategy

    Yann

    delete all delete all

    Karim

    framing this

    illustration

  • 9:41●●● ▮
    ‹
    👯 Apt 14
    ⋯
    I have a gift for you two

    Theo

    this already smells bad
    🎩

    Three years sharing a flat. One single sponge.

    5,743 messages. Michel counted the trash-day reminders.

    whatmichelthinks.com

    Theo

    he calls me 'the passive-aggressive of the fridge'

    Anna

    he's right, Theo
    validated by Michel

    illustration

A preview of a report

Here's what it looks like.

Deep Report

The Southern Holidaymakers

M

Michel

Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.

  • 📋Camille — The general secretary
  • 🏝️Paul — The accidental saboteur
  • 📝Marine — The form diplomat
  • 🎙️Inès — The queen of voice notes

Michel's editorial

Seven friends. One trip. Zero flights booked.

2,481 messages, zero confirmed ticket. Camille proposes Lisbon on Tuesday. Thursday, Lisbon is dead. Paul has rediscovered the Cyclades for the fourth time this year. Marine drops a Google Form. Nobody fills it in. Inès sends three 6-minute voice notes a day, and nobody listens to them.

2,481

messages exchanged. Trips booked: 0.

14

Google Forms sent by Marine. Filled: 0.

7×

Sicily re-proposed by Paul. As if it were new.

let's set up a Doodle and decide 🙏

Archetype · 01

Camille — The general secretary

She created the group. She bumps it. She's dying in it, slowly. 28.7% of the volume — more than the last three combined. Her longest messages get the shortest replies: 'ok', 'cool', 'haha'. She'll get over it. Probably.

récapsvp 🙏on trancheje récapépète

Dynamics · Deep

Camille & Paul

The organizer and the accidental saboteur. Seven years of ignored proposals.

If this group were… · Deep

a movie · Lost in Translationan animal · a distracted octopusa flaw · chic procrastination

Timeline · Deep

  • 2019Camille opens the group with a 🌴
  • mar 23Paul rediscovers Sicily (4th time)
  • apr 24The Google Form that killed the chat for 4 days

Health check · Deep

82

Activity

41

Balance

68

Engagement

Get my reportSee the full example →
  1. 01You upload your export
  2. 02Michel reads it and writes the report
  3. 03You drop the link in the chat

5 min · no subscription · your chat is deleted

What groups say after reading

Illustrative testimonials based on user feedback.

  • "Cried laughing at Theo's verdict. He just cried."

    Camille L.

    high-school friends

  • "Michel nailed in 2 min what I've been saying about my sister for 3 years."

    Yanis M.

    family WhatsApp

  • "Dropped it in the chat at 11pm. Nobody slept. Worth every euro."

    Sarah B.

    Paris roommates

  • "Thought it'd be a gimmick. It became THE dinner moment."

    Hugo D.

    wedding group

  • "My dad re-read the report 4 times. He even corrected a typo."

    Léa R.

    extended family

  • "Honestly unsettling how accurate. Marine still brings it up."

    Tom V.

    work crew

“I re-read your group chat. I have an opinion.”

— Michel

Get my report

€2.99 · once · deleted after reading

FAQ

How much does it cost?

€2.99 for Classic (5 sections), €3.99 for Deep (8 sections + red flags, predictions, Michel's letter). One-time payment. No subscription.

Who is Michel?

A fictional French observer made for this: he reads your chat end-to-end and pulls out a funny, fair, sometimes sharp report. Not a real person — a character written with a well-briefed AI.

What is it exactly?

You upload the text export of your group chat. Michel returns an illustrated magazine-style report — archetypes, iconic moments, awards, open letters. You get a link to drop in the group.

Which apps does it work with?

WhatsApp, via its native text export. It's currently the only app that allows a clean export. Others (iMessage, Messenger, Telegram) will follow once a reliable export is possible.

How long does it take?

5 to 10 minutes. Keep the tab open while Michel reads — if you allow browser notifications, a ping warns you as soon as the preview is ready.

Is it risky for my private conversation?

No. Your chat is read to write the report, then the raw messages are deleted. No AI is trained on your conversations. You can erase everything from your dashboard.

How do I share my report?

A private link is created. You copy it, paste it in the chat — the group opens the page like an article. No account needed to read.

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